Simply Weirrrd: Maria Jose Cristerna

I accidentally stumbled on a picture of Maria Jose Cristerna and had to look her up.

Before . . .

. . . really meets after . . .

There’s a fantastic photo album of her here at www.chillhour.com

I utterly HATE making points about anything.  But for Heaven’s sake guys, f*n stop beating up women.  Maria Jose Cristerna says she decided to physically transform herself (the teeth are real implants) after going through 10 years of domestic violence in her first marriage.

My point is this:  You beat up ANYONE for TEN years and they’re bound to go all weirrrd on you.
Nuff Said.

Some video of the lady for y’all.

First  here:  video?id=8524348&pid=8524340

And then good ol’ YouTube:

WTF? Filmwatch: Rubber

Kind of fitting writing my next movie post about director Quentin Depieux’s movie ‘Rubber’, since my last was about Shozin Fukui’s ‘Rubber’s Lover’.  LOL.

Great movie this.  Period.  If you’re into surrealist stuff that is.  If you’re not into surrealista, I guarantee you another day at the WTF movie convention, puking into popcorn bags from Hollywood-induced existential boredom.  So what else is new?

There’s a lot to LOVE about this film.  For one thing the tire which rolls around killing everyone looks great.  Seriously, the CGI animation on that tire is second to none.  Word (not Microsoft).

Okay, so normally you’d say the monsters are great or the explosions, but here it’s the TIRE, seriously.  What I mean is—it looks just like a regular tire, which is the point.  You don’t for one minute suspect this isn’t a regular tire you’re watching.  Which is what makes it so ridiculous,  He he he.

Plot’s great also.  Makes great absurd sense (if that phrase makes any sense to you).

Anyhow, Rubber’s a great watch.

Nuff Said.

I was going to show some stills from the movie, but the different cover posters are so much more entertaining.

Utterly LOVE these posters.

Okay, changed my mind.  Here are two stills:

Don’t f*n ask.  But yes, that is a fashion mannequin.  And . . .

Tire Hell?  Our psycho killer tire certainly thinks so.

WTF? Album Covers: Ben Arthur – Edible Darling

I utterly LOVE this cover.  Nuff Said.

A temporary end to the Ass Chickens’ invasion.

Hi Everyone,
Just letting you know that my book, ‘Invasion of the Ass Chickens’ won’t be available for free download anymore as from the 30th of April.
I’ve just finished making a 3rd edition of the book, inserting tons of new weirrrdness, and extending it from 27,000 to 52,000 words (turning it from a novella into a novel), and my publisher Bizarro Books have accepted it for publication.
So end of this month is it for the Ass Chickens till the Bizarro Press version gets released.
For the moment though, you can still get it here
Peace Everyone, and thanks for supporting the book!

WTF? Filmwatch: Rubber’s Lover (1997)

When does a mad scientist go too far?
Okay, dumb question right? The essence of mad science is taking matters too far.
That’s why you’re a MAD scientist–it’s in your gene-ius to do gloriously f*cked-up mad sh*t.
Like . . . wait for it . . . injecting your slightly-less-mad co-researcher Shimika (whose research you intend stealing) with ether in order to make him develop mental superpowers.
C’mon guys–ether?

***
This is one of those films you watch for specific moments. It’s weirrrd as f*ck for large portions and drags in others. The insane bits however make it worth the watch.

Believe it or not, this guy Motomiya is giving a lecture on the muscle groupings of the upper body.

And apparently in 1997, mad scientist sex toys looked like this.

And if you’ve a latex fetish:

Like I say, this is a movie worth watching purely for the odd bits. Being a musician, I was particularly amused to see the row of guitar stomp boxes the scientists were using to mangle the sound fed to Shimika’s girlfriend Kiku’s ears.

Did I just mention sound? The soundtrack’s quite good too, gives the right atmosphere to the film.
Anyhow, if you like odd movies, Rubber’s Lover is definitely worth watching.

Nuff Said.

Rubber’s Lover (trailer)

‘Editorial’ Giveaway on Goodreads

This is a great book, you can read my review here

Goodreads Book Giveaway

Editorial

by Arthur Graham

Giveaway ends April 11, 2012.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Bizarro Story of I

by Wol-vriey

Giveaway ends April 03, 2012.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

WTF? Album Covers: OTEP – Smash The Control Machine

Okay now this is WEIRRRD.

Here’s the cover for OTEP’s ‘Smash The Control Machine’.

If you think there’s nothing odd about this cover, you need to look VERY closely at what the family are having for dinner.  Click on the picture to view it full size.  Have a close look at the mum’s pendant too.

The rear cover puts things into better perspective.  Nothing like a nuclear smiley face to brighten up your day.

I love the title track of this album.

Nuff said.

Editorial – Arthur Graham

This is the cover of Editorial.

This is Arthur Graham, the author of Editorial.  [just so you know who to blame for it].

***

Arthur’s a friend of mine.  I’m unsure it’s wise to advertise this, seeing as quite a lot of people who buy this book might ask for their money back, and not being able to lay their hands on Arthur, lay them on me instead.

***

Editorial.  Imagine Kurt Vonnegut Jnr’s ‘Breakfast of Champions’ and ‘The Sirens of Titan’  mixed into one book, then imagine something better than that combination.  You’re getting there.

. . . along with a legend about a snake and someone who both is and isn’t the snake . . .  I give up.

I read this twice and still don’t understand it.

No not like that–it is in English after all.  I mean, while I understood what was going on, I didn’t understand what was going on.  If that makes sense to you.

After reading it, I’m like . . . so what the f*ck was that about?

Which is odd because it’s a fantastic book.

Let’s just take a peek inside.  One great thing is the book has illustrations.  These help in case you get lost along the way.

Yeah, it is a jet-powered toilet!  Sh*t Airlines!  Remember you saw it here first!  And please don’t request an explanation.  No spoilers.

***

This is a frog in a bucket with a man’s head.  For some reason the head is clearly Arthur Graham’s.  This is also in the story.

***

Now for a quick read from the book.

Because he’s such a nice guy, Art has permitted me to print chapter 43 in its entirety for you.  Enjoy.

Chapter 43 ( From Editorial).

XX XXX X XXXX XXX XXXX XX XX XXXX XXX
XXXXX, XX XXXX XX XXX XXX XXXXXX XXX,
XXX XXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX XX  XXX
XXXXX XXXX XX XXXXXX XXX.
XX XXXXXX XXXX XX XXXXX X XXXX XX
XXX  XXXXXXX  XXXXXXXX  XX  XX  XXX,
XXXXXXX  XXXX  XX  XXXXXX  X  XXX  XXXX
XXX XXXX XXX XX XXXXXX.
XXXX XXX X XXXXXX XXXX XX, XXX XXXX
XXXX XX XX, XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXXXXXX
XXX  XXXXXXX.  XXXXXX  XX  XXXXXX  XXXX
XXXXX XXXXX XXXXXX XXX XXX XXX XXXX
XX XXX XXXX XX XX XXXX’X XX XXXXXXXX
XXXX  XX  XXXX  XX,  XXXX  XX  XXX  XXXX
XXXXX  XXX  XXXXXX,  XXXX  XX  XXX  XXXX
XXXXX  XXX  XXXXXXX.  XX  XXXX  XX  XXXXX
XXX  XXXXXXXX  XXX,  XXXXX  XXXXXXXX  X
XXXXXX  XXXXX  XX  XXX  XXXX  XXXXXXX
XXXX XX XXX XXXX’X, XXXX XXXXX.
“XXXX XXX XXXX XXXXX?”
“X XXX’X XXXX….”
XXXXXXXX XXXXXX XXXXXXXX, XX XXXX.
XXXX  XXX  XXXX  XXX  XXXXX  XX  XXX  XX
XXXX  XXXXXX,  XX  XXX  XXXXX  XXXX
XXXXXXX XXXX.
“XXXXX, XXXX XXX XXX!”
XX XXXX’X XXXX XXXX XXX XXX XX XXX
XXX XXXXXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXX XXXXXXX
XXXX XXX XXXXXX XXXX XX XXX XXXX. XXX
XXXX  XXXX  XXXX  XXX  XXXX  XXXX  XX,
XXXXX XXX, XXX XXXX. XX XXXX XXXXX XX
XXXXXX  XXXX  XXX  XX  XXXX  XXXXX  XX
XXXX, XX XXXXX.
XXXXXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXX XXXXXXX
XXX XXXXXXX’X XXXXXX, XXXX XXX XXXX.
“XXX, XXXXX XXXXXXX?”

“XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!”
“XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX!!!!!!”
XXX  XXX  XXXXX  XXX  XXXX  XXXX
XXXXXXXX XX XXX. XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXX
XXX XXX XXXXXX XXX, XXXXXXX XXXXX XX
XXXX  XXXX  X  XXX,  XXXXXXXX  XXXXXX.
XXXXX  XXX  XXX  XXXX.  XX  XXXXXXX  XXX
XXX  XXXXXXX  XXXX  XX,  XXX,  XXXXXXXXX
XXX  XXXXX  XXX  XX  XXXXX  XXX  XXXX,
XXXXX XXX XXX XXXXXXX XX XXXXXX XXX
XX XXXXX.
“XXXX XXXX XX XXX XXXXX XX XXXXX’X
XX XXXXX XXXX?” XX XXXXX.
XX  XXXXX  XXXX  XXX  XXXXXX  XXX
XXXXXXX  XXXXXXXX  XXX  XXXXX  XX
XXXXXX XXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXXX XXXX
XXXXXXXXX XX XXXX XXXX XXXXXXXX XXX
XXXXXXXX  XXX  XXXX  XXX  XXXXXXXX,  XX
XXXX  XX  XXX  XXXXXXXX  XXXX  XXX  XXXX.
XXXXXXX XXXX.
XXX  XX  XX  XXX  XX  XXXX  XXXXXXX
XXXXX XX XXXX, XXX XXXX XXX XXXX XXX
XXXXX  XX  XXXXXX  XXXXXX  XXX  XXXXXX
XXXXXXX.
“XXXX XXXX XX!” XX XXXX, XXXXXXXXX
XXXXX XXXX XXXX XXXXXX XXXX XXX XXXX
XX  XXX.  XX  XX  XXXXX,  XX  XXX  XX  XXXX
XXXXX XX’X XX XX XXXX XX’X XX XXXXXXX
XXXXX XXXXXXX.
“XXXX,  XXXX  XXX  XXX,  XXXXXX…”  XXX
XXX XXXXX’X XXXXXX.
XXXXXXXX XX XXX, XXXX XXXX’X  XXXX
XXXXXXX  XXXX.  XXX  XX  XXXX  XXXX
XXXXXXXX  XX’X  XXXXX.  XX  XXX  XXXXXX
XXXXXX XX XXXX.
XXXX XX XXXX XX XXXX XXXX XX XXXX
XXX  XXXXXXXX’X  XXXXXX  XXXX  XXX,  XXX
XXXX  XXX  XX  XXX  XXXXXXXXXX,  XXX  XX
XXX  XXXXXX  XXXXXXXXXX  XX  XXX  XX-XXXXXX XXXXXXXX XXX XXXXXXXXXXXX
XXXXXXX.

[Wow!  That was intense!  Damn!  Those transsexual leather biker bears are just so sexy!]

***

And almost finally, this is Ouroboros the world snake.  You will notice it has legs.  I assume Arthur decided it was a snake rather than a lizard because its legs are too small to support its weight and it will need to crawl to get anywhere.

You might also note that its tail is in its mouth.  That I’ve no explanation for.

Once again, this is Arthur Graham, author of Editorial.

Note the gun, and the fact that’s he’s been drinking.  Art is obviously a very dangerous man to piss off with assh*le questions like:  ‘Dude what the f*ck did you write this for?’ or ‘Sh*t man, this sucks donkeys, can I have my money back?’.

[Also from this photo we deduce that his wife Jayna likes men with hairy legs.]

***

I advise you to just buy the f*n book and read it.  Even if you don’t like it, you’ll be certain you weren’t ripped off–it’s miles better than just about everything else you’ll find out there to read at the moment.

Click here to buy.

Nuff said.

Big, Little, the Cow, and the Moon.

Hello Everyone,

My story ‘Big, Little, the Cow, and the Moon’ has just been published in ‘Jake’s Monthly (Part 6) Bizarro Anthology’.

I love the cover art.  It makes me think of eating watermelon.

Here’s what publisher Jake Johnson says about the Anthology:

“Welcome to Jake’s Monthly. This literary voyage into the obscure and the bizarre is celebrating its six-month anniversary with Bizarro, a literary movement dedicated to the strangest and most entertaining stories possible.

This volume is intended for people who want a change of pace, an injection of unadulterated, nonsensical fun in their lives, and high-quality stories that they won’t find anywhere else.

These stories contain an ammunition-wearing cow, a horse whisperer, a potato cult, drugs, marriage, murder, surgery, multiple exploding men and Trixie the lap dancer. “

Nuff Said Everyone.

You can buy it here.  It’s only 99 cents.